The four stages of ego.
1 – Dependent
We all start at the same point. The genesis of our life, born from a womb we can’t move, can’t feed ourselves, and can’t survive. As the years goes by we develop physical attributes we walk, speak, learn to eat without anyone. But at the same time we develop attachment to people’s attention, our parents, brother, sister, closest people in our environment. And we see TV’s, magazines with heroes. They are strong, intelligent and known by everyone “Footballer”, “Superman”, “Beyonce”, or even genius “Elon Musk”.
We crave for the fame, we need to do something special. Because everybody does something incredible. We judge ourselves badly because we are not enough. We are dependent on people expectation our parents, our friends first. Or so we think.
Our ego needs people validation and approval.
2 – Independent
Then something clicks and we start being independent. We start thinking for ourselves. Being strong emotionally. Being enough for ourselves. Maybe it takes 20, 30, 40, 50 years or maybe it never happens. It’s hard to think for ourselves taking away external stimuli. I know I’m still fighting every day to get out of the dependent zone. It’s a lifelong battle.
Each step in that direction is a pity, but one day you woke up and look back and you are proud. You do not obsess making billions of dollars, having tons of clothes, being recognized by everyone, or with finding the one in order to find happiness. You start to know yourself being content with your own body, spirit and ultimately feeling joy hanging out with yourself.
Our ego slowly finds harmony and gets okay with our own presence
3 – Interdependent
Then you are ready to make the big leap. You shine and people can feel it. You feel good, you make people feel good around you. I know that feeling, I’ve encountered dozens of people literally shining. The French word would be “avenant” all I can think of as a translation in English is “warm”. We’ll get there sooner or later. Might take a bit of patience or should I say a lifelong of patience?
Funny how in order to be close to people we first need to take a step back. Grow, then come back and find true ally. Because alone we’ll never get as far as together.
But we can only progress forward with people who are ready to do so too. Bring an independent ego with a dependent one will only make the dependent even more craving for the attention of the independent.
Our ego is ready to see the light in other ego, we can all shine together, without any of us requiring more lighting.
4 – Nothing
And then comes a time when you have the ultimate ha-ha moment. Our ego is nothing compared to the universe and we are such a small and fragile creature. I always get that feeling when vagabonding in the wild. Being at bottom of a giant mountain, seeing miles and miles a far on the peak of it. Looking at the infinity of stars or trying to see life as a 200-year-old tree.
We see things in perspective, we are small and our time here is so small.
But if ultimately we are nothing… What’s the point of this journey? That’s right, we might disappear in the next second or next decades. So what should we do?
Don’t wait. Don’t wait until you make your first million to make a difference in somebody’s life. Clean up a neighborhood park. Be a mentor. Not every day is going to offer us a chance to save somebody’s life, but every day offers us an opportunity to affect one. If you have something to give, give it now, because that’s all we really have “now”. So get in the game.
I haven’t written for quite some time… To be honest I felt like my reason to write was… Craving for attention. That’s what we do in today’s world, we all seek attention in a way or in another. All that Facebook, like me or like I call it temple to yourself. This is the same thing I’m doing here on that blog. Look at it, I even called it by my name. I had this epiphany a few months ago. And it stuck with me ever since. But where is the border between egoism and altruism? The act to share a so so valuable perspective without bragging. This is when I came up with the theory of evolution of ego.
Thank you all the kind messages I got when I wasn’t writing. If you want to connect drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. You don’t need to come up with something elaborate just “hi” !
Picture was taken during a playful afternoon in England at my first movement class by Ben Medder. First classes are always a challenge for the ego, where you have to surrender old habits and perspective to be able to learn in a state of beginners.